The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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