I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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