but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize