your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
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I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
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My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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