just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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