paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
