If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
