Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
