having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
