Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
