i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
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We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
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This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
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