The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
