Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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