I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
