his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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