I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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