You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
