Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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