As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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