you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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