Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
