where am i from again
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
