sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
