DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
