Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
