he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
