I think I just saw someone hide a body.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
