Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
