how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
