guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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