Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
