Someone shit on the floor
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
