He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
