My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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