Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
