he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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