A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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