i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
