But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
