nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
