she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
