If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
