i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I cut my penus on the lid.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
