Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
