i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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