I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
