did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
