You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
