bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
