just tell him i said nine months
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
