I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
