The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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