Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
