i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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