Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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