I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
