connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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