We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
